What was keeping you up at night in the months before you left?
My husband is a cancer survivor himself and was born with a condition that forces him to get surgery about every 13 months - he’s had 30 some odd surgeries in his lifetime. I was so worried about what we would do if one of us couldn’t keep going. I knew that if something happened to him I would lose my mental game quickly and I knew this climb would be more of a mental challenge than a physical one. I also knew that if something happened to me, I’d want him to keep going. We were actually out on a day hike when this conversation came up and we both agreed that we didn’t want to act emotionally in the moment so we decided to make a plan just in case. We came up with a two-tiered program, which I realize sounds so logical as I say it, but we really wanted something logical to turn to if need be! Tier one was that if one of us was struggling to the point of not being able to continue and the guides told us that it was only related to altitude and going back down to lower level would solve the issue, we would separate. We would trust the guides as they had done this trip over 700 times. However, if there was any uncertainty as to what was wrong with either him or I, we would go back together, no questions asked.
Fortunately, we never had to put the plan into play. However, there was a moment right near the end when we were about to summit, that I did actually have to grab my husband’s hand and drag him the rest of the way. We were about 40 minutes shy of the summit and he looked at me and said, “This is enough.” And I said, “No way! We didn’t come this far to stop before reaching the top. Our best Christmas card photo ever is only 40 minutes away!”
At any point did you want to give up? If so, what made you keep going?
Are you kidding? I’m way too stubborn and competitive with myself. Sure, there were moments where I couldn’t believe I was doing it, but my own story and the stories of the people around me kept me going. The longest day of my life was not summiting Kilimanjaro it was trying to get back to my sister after she called me and said our mom had an aneurysm and passed instantly. I was in my 30s, single, and living in Brussels at the time. After losing both my parents as a young adult, people would say things like, “you’re so strong” and I would just think what other option was there? I had to keep going and pick myself back up. I guess because this climb was something I chose to do, I simply chose to keep going. This wasn’t something happening to me. It was hard, but I chose to keep going. That really raised my confidence and gave strength a new and different face. I realize I can handle more than I thought and also that you don’t have to make big problems out of small things.
I had this picture of my mom and dad dancing that I laminated and affixed it to the back of my pack. If you got to a point where you were too tired to carry your bag, one of the guides would actually take it for you. I was one of the only one of us in our group who carried my pack the entire time and it’s because I’d made up my mind that there was no way anyone would carry my parents up there, but me. I have a pretty deep faith and I knew this was the closest I would ever be to heaven with my feet still on the ground. When I got to the top, I balled my eyes out - those tears needed to come. I never doubted that we’d summit. We had the right team, the right gear, and we had prepared. I knew we’d make it.
I think it’s safe to say that goes for most things in life, if you’ve got the right people, the right tools and you’ve done the prep work, you can do just about anything.
Yeah, you’re absolutely right. Although I have long unpacked from this trip, there's so much mental and emotional unpacking that I am still doing.
Let’s keep unpacking then. Was there a moment that really surprised you?
I had no idea how close I would get to the 7 guides and the climbing team. There was 65 of us in total. When we left Africa I felt like I was leaving my family behind. I didn’t know how connected I would feel to everyone, especially the guides. They shared themselves, their mountain, their country, their love. Saying goodbye was one of the most difficult parts. There is so much personal satisfaction out of the physical feat, but what I will remember most is everyone’s story - who they were remembering, who they were celebrating. We all were doing that climb for reasons so much bigger than ourselves. This experience really taught me so much and reminded me of that saying, if you want to go fast go alone, but if you want to go far, go together. One person isn’t going to make it alone, but a lot of individuals, when working together, can do a really huge thing.
